Putting a pin through all of my best friend’s condoms seemed like a good idea at the time. 30+ Ways to Say Thank You All For the Birthday Wishes. ", "mustn't! My girlfriend tried to trick me with a pregnancy scare. Note: In case it’s not obvious by now, this article is about American football puns. 31. What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible. While watching football, the announcer mentioned the team averaged 6-1/2 sacks a game. What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Your first name can highly influence your chances for pregnancy. If you can tackle all of these gridiron groaners, you are truly an MVP (Most Voracious Punster). These jokes will make everyone laugh. During her first pregnancy my wife was concerned with how much labor was going to hurt. What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common? It is the most popular sport in the world and can be quite intense at times. These jokes has a touch of truth in them about pregnancy and how women in that state are thinking and manage their lives. How would two skyscrapers stop an unwanted pregnancy from happening? We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails. Lend Me Your Ears For This List of Corn Puns. Pregnant Puns. Dad: She had your aunt at 16, had a miscarriage and then gave birth to me at 17. A doctor, who was just newly a dad, decided to give a medical school lecture on the human reproductive system and what he learned throughout his partner's pregnancy. Grocery store cashier: "Having a party tonight?" by Tom Vellner. Note that you can adapt many of these puns for a tailgate party or fantasy football draft. These witch puns are so bad, you might even find them hex-cruciating. Dad: Do you know how old your grandmother was when she had me? 84. "Microcephaly can be diagnosed during pregnancy or after the baby is born." Here’s a big list of football puns you can use for Instagram captions, party invites, or just to amuse yourself during halftime. My sisters having some pregnancy complications, unsure if it's going to be a natural delivery or a c section. Buckle up for some bad puns, pilgrim. All this adds up to some excellent pun-making opportunities. What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year? My local spring onions have started singing hip … ", My dad - "That's probably how you got pregnant.". Ensue lengthy, full hearted laugh from him. 85. Her comment: "Well, fuck. Be the wittiest tweeter, texter, and writer wherever you go! She glared when I asked how her square ligaments were doing. What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game? Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. ", Bro: Pulls Bounty brand paper towels from behind his back with a stupid grin "Guess that makes me a Bounty hunter", Woman - "I had to be in bed for three months with my feet up. [Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage. 2. 33. What do you do if a running back swallows the football? 87. Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats? Finally, to get the ball across the goal line, here are some football riddles and jokes that make use of puns. It’s a spring onion. Edit it is a parent all my jokes are now dad jokes Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game? Good Morning Handsome! With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot. [Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game. We are trying for our first and need good vibes. What’s the difference between a punter and punster. Like a Sophia has higher chance of getting pregnant in comparison of an Andrew. Being the caring husband that I am, I asked what was wrong. My dad and I were talking about the age of pregnancies between different generations..I wasn't expecting this one. What do you call an accidental pregnancy? ", "shan't! Pregnant jokes are enjoyable for many, what the pregnant women thinks about them is quite different thing. If you'd like to speak to a physician, dial 1... if you are currently in labor, dial 8... is because it's so much harder to give birth to a teenager. According to my wife's pregnancy app, our unborn child is the size of an ear of corn. – the first on the vegetable puns list. Here are funny grandparents jokes and puns you can share with your family. Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine? Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious. Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week? Here are some football-related puns you can send from the game, or while watching the game on TV. Generate tons of puns! ", He replied "Of course they do! Here’s a big list of football puns you can use for Instagram captions, party invites, or just to amuse yourself during halftime.


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